Setting Intentions
March 2023 Slice of Life challenge
As we come to the last day of this challenge I reflect back on all that I've written in this year's slice. I noticed that I gravitated toward writing poems this time around. I sit here wondering if this might be because my thoughts and feelings are initially disjointed and allowing them onto the page in this form seemed to flow out of me more easily. I feel that writing in this style also allowed me to be remain a bit more incognito and mysterious with my feelings and thoughts because I could keep their origin to myself. It allowed me to opened myself up in a way that made me comfortable. Thank you slice 2022. I'll see you next year.
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You rule
Without grace Without compassion Without consideration Without explanation Without fact Without justification I am anchored here under your rule You deprive me of Grace You deprive me of Compassion You deprive me of Explanation You deprive me of Fact You deprive me of Justification I am anchored here under your rule You choose to rule With malice With discrimination With oppression With pure ugliness With EVIL I am the first one to arrive
I lay out my mat and towel I carefully place my blocks and towels at the front of my mat I lay on back, close my eyes fill my lungs to capacity then release an audible sigh I allow the heat and humidity to take over my body Either I am able to tune out the outside world and go deeply within Or I hear every sound around me with annoying clarity The door opens and a flash of cold air flies over my body The slapping footsteps on the floor walk above my head as The partially filled stainless steel water bottle rhythmically splashes The same water bottle hits the ground with a low clang The unzipping of an athletic bag then The unrolling of a mat and a crash as it is slapped down on the vinyl floor On and off loud whispers pollute the room The door opens and again a flash of cold air flies over my body as the instructor enters the room Today I hear every sound around me with annoying clarity My daughter’s birthday party this past weekend was at an aerial fitness center. Of course I participated. I have been wanting to try the aerial hammock class for ages. One of my friends opened up this center years ago, but I haven’t been able to go. Three years in a row I was either getting or recovering from orthopedic surgery. Then 2020 happened and the place was operating in a limited way for the last 2 years. And this weekend the time finally came to get into my friend’s studio and give it a try.
It was so much fun to be able to lean into the hammocks and let it support me so that I could make beautiful shapes with my body. It makes me feel like I am moving my body like a dancer, which I am not able to do naturally. We tried sitting, standing, and going upside down. The final result was a simple choreographed routine we performed with music. I am thankful that my daughter was not embarrassed to have me participate. Her friends have had me as a yoga teacher at their Girl Scout meetings in the past, so they know this is in my wheelhouse. I definitely want to go back and learn some more. It will be an extension to my yoga practice as it allows me to let go and release into the hammock. And I’ll also need some time to get used to the feeling of the hammock digging into various parts of my body. The instructor said it’s like cycling and that irritation goes away the more you practice in the hammock. You’ve opened a closed door
one that should have stayed shut secured with several locks keys dropped in the ocean stacks of furniture pressed up against the inside the building that door was in should have been burned down I should have watched the flames erase it from existence instead you opened it back up An evil malicious choice that was not yours to make behind that door affects me, not you that open door weighs on my heart ruins my restful sleep tarnishes my free time pollutes my thoughts crushes my soul And I do not have the power to close it The urge to escape
quickly alone to a place where no one can find me where I lay on my back in a field of wispy grass the warm sun pelting down on me I open my hands and heart to the universe release everything, all of it my heavy body melts into the earth my thoughts erase leaving my mind a black hole of nothingness It is only HERE where they can't use their untruths, force, or mock authority to make me do something that my soul rejects It was a small win for me last week when my daughter decided to quit softball. I wrote a post about how my husband and I encouraged her to do this, but she was reluctant to be a “quitter.” Luckily, the coach was supportive and understanding. My daughter made it through 2 weeks of practice, games hadn’t even started, and she realized that she was not going to be able to swing it all. She has so many other things going on (academics, harp lessons, harp ensemble etc.) that she didn’t need to be doing something that did not add enjoyment to her life. I want to teach my daughters as early on in life as possible that there are times when saying no is what is best.
I am thrilled that I won’t have to drive to/from practices, drive to/from games, clean uniform/cleats or sit in the cold for hours. There was no one else on the team we could have carpooled with and my husband works nights so it would have been all on me. I did not mind doing all the above things during volleyball season because she truly enjoyed it and it added lots of positivity to her life. So it’s all perspective. I wasn’t too keen on pretending that softball was any kind of blessing to us. Whew, I feel like we dodged a bullet. Today is my daughter's first friend birthday party since 2019. She missed celebrating year 10 and 11. Finally, she gets to celebrate her 12th birthday with her friends. I am taking them to an aerial yoga place where they will take an hour long yoga class using hammocks suspended from the ceiling. Then we are off to a local taco place to eat. After that a trip to Target so they can pick out snacks. Then we head back home for cake and a sleepover. And don’t forget the pancake breakfast planned for the morning.I bet this sounds epic to many 12 year old girls. And let’s be honest this one “party” is making up for 2 prior years of lost birthday party time.
I have a deep aversion to sleepovers. Or really anything that causes me to get less than 8 hours of sleep a night. I only allow one birthday sleepover per daughter per year. There is nothing that can prepare me for the way I will feel the day after with less than a desirable amount of rest. I will make the sacrifice. I will put it into perspective that it is not at all about me. Success will be marked with my daughter’s delight and the memories she will be blessed with. I chose to walk the stairs today instead of taking the elevator. I came upon this ladder. I had an urge to look up and see where it lead. I stared for a bit,
took a moment to imagine where it leads. I badly want it to lead to place where I can hide. A comfortable place where no one can find me. I have a question for all of the veteran slicers. And by veteran I mean anyone who has done this for 2, 3, or more years.
Do you find that some of your posts are repeating the same topics from prior years? I was unaware that I had been doing this until my last post when I created a list of things to do on my spring break. Writing the post sparked a memory in my brain that I had done this before. I went back to my posts from last year and there was a post with the exact same topic and super similar sentiments. I actually found the way I wrote the post last year was better compared to the one I had just written. Since we are always writing in March I find that the things I have to write about each year can be quite similar. I was doing this without awareness but now that it is in the forefront of my mind I worry I won't be able to forget. I have confirmation that my life is boring and the same year after year. I am a creature of habit and I seldomly vere away from my routines. I do not want to go back and find other posts where I have done this. I think I will choose to stay ignorant and try to push it out of my mind. I will focus on the present even though it may be very similar to my past. |
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March 2022
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