Setting Intentions
March 2023 Slice of Life challenge
I don’t think my new running shoes are very cute. I don’t love the bright airbrushed fluorescent pink and blue that border the sole. They’re a little too much for me. I learned a long time ago that fit and comfort trump cute colors and style. And running shoes come in your life as fast as they make their way out. Each pair has a limited amount of miles before they need to be demoted to workout shoes and then retired and off to recycling. My new shoes may not be super cute but neither is my running currently. These shoes are special and will be around a bit longer because I am easing into more mileage. Today my shoes and I go on my first walk/run together neither of us perfect and that’s okay.
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It’s been another milestone day. Step by step I’m making my way back to real running. I have no problem taking it slow, gingerly really so that I can safely transition into my new normal. I’ve been engaging in walk/runs a couple times a week and realized that it’s imperative I have a substantial pair of running shoes. I’d like as many factors on my side to avoid injury so shoes it is. I also promised myself that I’d get a shiny new Apple Watch once I am running again. After carrying my phone for a couple walk/runs I quickly realized how irritating it is not having a watch. So I spent this past Friday at the running shoe store and the Apple store. Many hundreds of dollars later I am equipped for my new goals. I may never run another marathon but I will get where I can. I’m okay with baby steps. Right now my goal is to run continuously for 30 minutes or a 5K distance. Ready set go!
While teaching a yoga class I choose to play soothing music with no words. If I use music that is familiar I get too distracted and have a hard time keeping my brain focused on the sequence that I am trying to teach. My biggest fear as a yoga teacher is mixing up my rights and lefts when leading a class so I must stay connected to the task. As a teacher I have control over the music that I play but as a student I must succumb to what the teacher chooses. Just about every Saturday morning when I practice my yoga instructor uses a playlist that I am very familiar with. My mind knows all the words, melodies and chord progressions. Sometimes I even want to harmonize. I can feel my singing reflexes spring into action. I just NEED to sing. I admit to laying in savasana and a hum or a note or two may have made its way out of my mouth. Once everyone vacated the yoga studio and I was the only one left in the room I busted out in song. I was only testing out the acoustics in the room, right?. Shh. Please don’t tell.
My oldest daughter who’s 13 has entered a season in her life when she is trying everything. She doesn’t know where her extra curricular love lies yet. She does play the harp quite beautifully and takes it very seriously but she is hungry to “belong” and the harp hasn’t really opened that door. Her school does not have an orchestra so the social side of being in a music ensemble is not happening right now. We are working on that. However, she has thrown herself into everything her school does have to offer. She’s played softball, basketball, had a part in the school play and now she’s playing volleyball. It’s a good thing she goes to a smallish school so she can make teams and give each activity a solid try. As a parent I am struggling with simultaneously being super proud of her efforts and being super exhausted being her Uber driver to all the practices and struggling to make it to all her games and performances. To say I’m looking forward to her pairing her interests down is an under statement. Whew it’s exhausting, but yay I’m proud!
I’m such a homebody that when I go out of my house at irregular times I always think to myself “Oh? People go out at this hour?“ For instance, last night, a Friday night, I opted to go to the mall to return some things in order to avoid the weekend traffic and shopping mall rush. As I walked the mall I thought it was odd that so many moms, dads and kids were populating the play area in the center of the mall. Not odd for them of course but strange for me as I would never have the idea or urge to bring my kids to the mall play area on a Friday night. I’d hands down choose staying home before venturing out. Then I remembered back to last Thursday night when my family was out to dinner to celebrate my daughter’s birthday. I thought as I walked out of the restaurant, “Boy, a lot of people sure do eat out on a weeknight.” This is something I am almost never be able to fit into my weekday schedule so I find it odd that others do.
It’s funny because I think this thought a lot during the summer when I am not working. Like when I get a pedicure in the middle of a work day, go out to lunch or take a midday yoga class. Why can’t my brain warp itself around the fact that people are out doing different things than I would do at different days and times. I’m just baffled by the lives that other people live in my absence. I have several loves but high on my list is yoga. I am lucky that I can incorporate it into my life several days a week. I not only enhance my own practice with 2 or 3 classes that I take each week but I get to teach a weekly class to my colleagues. At the end of a long day of work I may feel spent, tapped out from teaching children but I am somehow able to draw positive energy from my fellow school teachers who I give the gift of yoga. It’s amazing how teaching yoga can give so much back to me. I believe it’s because yoga sparks good intensions both physically and mentally and just being in the same room sharing that with others fills my cup. And my hope it that I fill the buckets of those who take my class.
This week we celebrated both of my girls’ birthdays. Of course each day is all about them. However, no one will know just how much it means to me when I'm wished a happy birth day on the day of my daughters’ births. I know it’s their special day but in a way the day belongs to me too. It’s the day and the days preceding their births when I underwent amazing trauma. And each year for the anniversary of my days of birth I reflect back and it is always so hard. It doesn’t matter how many years go by these days conjure up the same feelings and emotions attached to the events. I know it’s just another day on the calendar but for some reason these anniversaries hit me hard. The frequent flashbacks, depression and anxiety related to these days ended years ago and my daily living every other day of the year is normal. It’s these two birthdays or anniversaries of my days of birthing when I remember a time that was so hard, difficult, emotionally and physically draining and the most turmoil I’ve ever been through. Today I found myself taken aback and honored when several of my friends on Facebook wished me a happy birthing day. One was my doula who knows everything I went through in my first birth. The other few were random friends who don’t even know how much they tugged at my heart and the love that their simple sentiment shined on me today. Being recognized today was what I needed so badly and appreciated more than anyone will ever know.
I absolutely love watching my daughter compete in gymnastics meets. I’m not nervous like the other moms that she’s gonna fall and hurt herself. Although I don’t know why. I probably should be more concerned. But she I have faith she knows what she doing, It’s strange this sense of pride I have for personally accomplishing nothing. My daughter is the one who’s in the gym practicing 4 days a week for hours on end doing all flippy spiny s*!t. She’s the tenacious one; the one with all the grit. All I do is continue write the hefty checks and chauffeur her to and from all gymnastics related activities. When she rocks an event and scores a 9. whatever I feel like I accomplished something amazing too. I’m not doing any flippy spinny things. Really my butt is sore sitting on those hard metal bleachers for 4-5 hours while I wait for her 1-2 minute windows to perform and I couldn’t love her and it more.
Shin splints. Ouch. What made me think I was immune to the aches and pains that come with starting a “new” exercise routine. I mean come on. I was counting on the 7 marathons under my belt and a little muscle memory to carry me through. Nope. So strengthening exercises, stretching and targeted red light therapy are now being added to my routine. And yes I still love running. There’s no better mental and physical feat out there.
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AMRK-6 Music Teacher Archives
March 2022
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